I have an embrassing story to tell everyone. I’m not proud of it. In fact I’m humbled by it. I think that what I learned from it is valuable. I’m hoping by writing about it I can help someone. I’ve been a dedicated Christian for seven years now and still I’m amazed by the things that come out of my mouth. That’s enough stalling I’ll just get into it now.
To set the stage it had been an awful week at work. On top of which I’m still fighting this chest cold. On top of that my biological Dad seems to not care enough to book his medical appoinments. I’ve been booking them on his behalf and hoping that he will show up. These things could all be worthy posts of their own.
After a particularly bad day I was venting to my family. In response to my problems my real Dad(step-father) told me, “God is still on His throne.”
Instead of accepting this gem of wisdom and taking comfort in this fact I said, “I don’t need any more Christian BS.” When I said this in person it wasn’t the PG version that I’ve typed here.
I think we all come to the end of ourselves at times. God often uses these times to teach us important lessons. I wish that I had caught on before snapping like some cheap dollar store toothpick.
One part of my lesson is why I said it. I’m tired of Christians that say that if you have enough faith that nothing bad will happen to you. In part I said it for all the scripture that I’ve heard misquoted. All the times I’ve misquoted it and relied on God for something He didn’t promise.
Being tender hearted I let life erode my faith. That is dangerous.
I think I would feel better if I wasn’t so sensitive. I feel things deeply and take on others problems. In fact I often feel responsible for things that aren’t my fault. Then I feel even worse when things don’t go the way I want. Childish I know but that’s where I’m at today.
Then I start questioning God. You know what though? God always makes me feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be physically. I’m just not where He wants me to be emotionally and mentally.
I can hear all the corny Christian sayings in the world but I need the truth. At this point in my walk with the Lord, that’s what I need more than anything. The truth that will help me through everyday life.
I’m happy to say that after I calmed down I realized that yes there is a lot of problems in the Christian community. But my God is alive. He works all things for the good of those that love Him. I need to take some more time to ensure that my eyes are focused on Him. On God the Father, Christ the Son, and my Comforter the Holy Spirit.
God is still watching over us. He still cares for us in a way that amazes me. The way He reaches down through the Holy Spirit to touch a cell in the Body of Christ. This cell is humbled by the fact that I can ask for forgiveness from an Almighty God.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please forgive me for my lack of faith in You. You are still the God who saved me. You have made me who I am. You are responsible for glorous works in my past. Stories that impower me to walk through fire now. Lord, in this struggle I took my eyes off of You. Please forgive me.
In Jesus Precious and Holy Name I Pray
No one would choose to be sick. No one chooses this crazy life that we are on.
This is my prayer this morning,
Dear Heavenly Father,
Lord, I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to deal with the trials that I’m currently going through. I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. What I want is to serve You. I know that ultimately to serve you means to get out of bed. To walk through the fire to reforge the parts of me that are impure. To purify myself I must go forward. Even if I only take one step at a time when I would much rather run. Help me to see the good You have placed before me Lord because right now I’m so tired I can’t even think straight. Let me love those around me today in a way that glories You. Let me accept today. Let me win the battle against my flesh today.
Lord apart from you I can do nothing. Please Lord help me get out of the funk and out of this bed.
In Jesus Name I Pray,
Life is funny. Everyone has problems. I hate talking about mine but here I go about to reveal my deepest thoughts on the internet…Here are a couple things that have been going on in my life to give y ‘all some perspective.
- My biological Dad collapsed after open gifts this Christmas. Thank God that we were at a Christmas party and there were other people around because I freaked out. After spending my Christmas Eve and a couple early hours on Christmas day in the hospital we came to the conclusion that he probably had a seizure. Did I mention that I’m his only child? And our relationship is less than ideal.
- I feel nervous since I’m waiting to see a neurologist. I’m trying to find out if I have MS. This whole waiting thing is overrated. Right now I would take results over perseverance. I know that’s the wrong attitude. Sorry, Lord.
I’ll be glad when this season is over but I know that this too shall pass. That’s the amazing thing about life. It can be one thing, then another. It can be great and beautiful while making you want to throw up at the same time. In these times I see God’s work in my life even more clearly.
For Christmas I got a Christian book that just that morning I had told the Lord that I would love to read. My plan was to head down to the library. God had other plans. That’s normally how plans work in my life.
God has most importantly allowed me and my family to bless others. I hope to see this grow in 2019.
What’s your hope for 2019?
Dear Heavenly Father,
I’m sorry to have ever doubted your Will for my life.
I’m sorry that I have a hard time getting out of bed.
I’m sorry that I’m not more loving.
I’m sorry that I let others steal my joy.
I’m sorry that sometimes I misuse the gifts you have given me.
I’m sorry that at times I am distracted by the World.
I wish that I didn’t get overwhelmed so easily.
I wish that I didn’t have such a hard time changing myself.
I wish I wasn’t so suborn and would ask for help when I need it.
Lord, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Help me to accomplish those things you desire of me.
Help me find the words swimming around in my head.
Help me become who You want me to be.
In Jesus name I pray,