I’ve been trying to figure out why I struggled with my faith in 2019. I don’t have a good reason or rather I’ve found that my reason is silly. Sometimes things change in your life because of specific circumstances. Sometimes it’s because of multiple interconnecting issues. Then there are times when we just over complicate the simple.
2019 wasn’t a year when I saw much change in my life. I didn’t move. I didn’t change jobs. About the only thing that I changed was my hair color, lots. Much of what caused me to reexamine my faith this year was the lack of change. There were times when I prepared for big changes only to find the same cycles repeating themselves. I felt stuck.
- I couldn’t afford a vacation. In fact I got sick in the middle of our short Canadian summer.
- I was able to see specialist and rule out MS but I still don’t know why I have migraines. Don’t know why I have widespread pain. I’m on some new medication that is helping which is good.
- I did see some good changes at my job. I’m incredibly grateful for the less stressful environment that I work in.
I guess my expectations stopped me from seeing the good in my life again.
When I lost sight of God in the little moments of life I became depressed. I thought that life was about bigger and better things than those little moments. I thought it was about job promotions and big moves. The truth is that we don’t get to those big moments without the little ones.
Being faithful to God starts with daily obedience. It starts with listening to what you feel God wants you to do. Then stepping out in faith and doing it. It can seem scary but as we continue to step out for the little things we will find those big moments aren’t quite the mountains that we originally thought they were.
“But Samuel replied:
“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the Lord?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”-1 SAMUEL 15:22(NIV)
For a long time I thought that if I was to sacrifice more God would do more through me. The truth I am finding is that He wants me to listen more.
This next year I feel will have changes but they are more internal changes. Smaller changes that may cause others to look at me like I’m crazy. What crazy is not being willing to change to become what God wants you to be?
One little moment at a time.
I believe that as Christians we should be as kind to others as possible. There is an argument that we are supposed to be kind only to like-minded Christians. I would rather be inclusive.
I believe that we are supposed to share among the body. If you’re Brother or Sister in Christ lacks a basic necessity then it is the body’s job to supply that need.
We are supposed to look like a family of believers.
Just because you disagree with your Siblings on issues of faith doesn’t nullify your duty to them. I am sick and tired of the fighting. We will debate a comma for hours. Then we leave someone without help in their time of need because we think they are over exaggerating. When this is the reaction from the congregation, no wonder no one speaks up for help.
We are supposed to give sacrificially. That means that sometimes it’s gonna hurt. I would rather hurt now, than face my LORD in heaven and tell him why I missed out on the gift of blessing someone in need.
I’m sorry if I come off so angry but I’m heartbroken. I didn’t grow up in church. When I came to Christ all I had was my Mom and Dad and my bible. I don’t understand the selfishness that I see in the church.
We have someone who is retired in our church. He is on a fixed income and he doesn’t have enough to buy his medication and food. People in my church don’t want to help him because he smokes.
The people in my church would rather spend their retirement on cars, vacations, and homes, then on their heavenly retirement.
I wonder if we get so focused on Christ coming back that we miss all that God has for us in this life. We commit ourselves to Christ and then we wait. Then we die.
If all it means to have a relationship with God is to commit ourselves and then wait I feel like I missed something. I thought that being a Christian was life changing. I thought that it was supposed to be evident to those around us.
At least I hope that in my life, people see that I’m different.
We are all fortunate to be able to call God our Father. To cover us. To help us. To guide us.
Thank you Heavenly Father, You have accepted me as Your child. I’m a gentile, I have been grafted into the vine. Thank you for providing me with a Christian step-father who was willing to raise me as his own.
He believed in me and in You.
I got to see my neurologist and he doesn’t think I have MS. In fact he sees no point in even putting me through more tests. He believes that all it would do is create more stress for me.
I have been officially diagnosed with migraines. It’s something that I’ve been dealing with since I was seventeen. Over the years my migraines have shifted and changed. Going from an intense, pounding pain to a much more manageable low grade headache. I was worried that my low grade headache that I’ve had for the last two years was a sign of MS. I also occasionally have dizzy spells; This is also from my migraines. I didn’t understand that migraines could cause some of the symptoms that I’ve been experiencing.
I was comforted after the long appointment because the doctor took time when taking my history. Not all doctors that I’ve seen have made me feel like they listened. He also did some reflex testing to ensure that it wasn’t MS. When he talked to me he was kind but fair. He told me that I wasn’t going crazy, that yes migraines are painful, but he wanted to put things in perspective.
I’m not bed bound. Yes, I struggle but I have a full-time job. I have a social life but at times I have to say no because I don’t have the energy.
No one knows why their lives turn out the way they do. We just have to trust that God will work out everything for our good. As long as we are willing to be obedient.
At the very least I try to love God with all my heart, mind, and my less than perfect body. I believe that because my health isn’t perfect I have to rely on God more. This makes me walk closer with Him. I also have a lot more empathy for people.
I’m going to look at the positive today and I’m going to trust God for tomorrow. I have enough on my plate for today.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you that you have already worked out the problems that I’m facing today. I’m sorry that my lack of faith makes me doubt You at times. You are faithful to me even when I have these doubts. Thank You that I’m able to work. Thank You for the friends and family that I have in my life. I believe that all I am going through will one day make me the person that You want me to be. As long as I stay on the path that You have set for me to walk, I will be where You want me to be. Not that it will be easy. No, it will be hard but I will never have to face my pain alone. Thank You for all you are teaching me and showing me lately. I pray that by writing what I feel compelled to write it will help my fellow Christians and any new Brothers and Sisters that come across this blog.
In Jesus Name I Pray,