the vision, Uncategorized

The vision

When I was about eighteen or seventeen I had a vison of myself standing in a desert. My hair was extremely short,  and brown. I’m wearing a sundress. And I’m all alone.
At the time I thought it meant that one day I would one day return to my favorite place, the American southwest. I took the vision at face value. It gave me hope. Sometimes God has given me glimpses of the future. Sometimes it’s just a moment, a sentence, a beautiful flower, a person, or a future version of myself.

This week I cut most of my hair off. When I was at work the Lord brought this vison back to me. To be honest it had been a long time since I had even thought about it. I realized that I had that haircut, glasses, and that sundress that I’m wearing in the vision is hanging in my closet. It took my breath away. I had been in seriously prayer about where the Lord wanted me to be. I immediately thought that I should book a plane ticket. Now, it was time to go on a mission trip. I knew where I should go or did I?

It didn’t feel right. I didn’t have a God feeling about it. I began to seek what God meant. How could I get to this desert? Because I wanted to be there more than anything? And do you know what He said to me?

Write yourself there.

What? What does that mean? How on earth do I write myself there? Is this an idea for a fiction novel? Will my writing lead me to the desert?

Then I saw this blog.

This is where I will start this journey. Maybe I will physically end up in the desert. Maybe I’m in a spiritual desert because I haven’t been walking as close to God as I should. Maybe I’m in a desert and God’s saying it’s time to come out. Maybe I will be starting a whole new section of my life. The truth is I don’t have a clear-cut idea what this vision means now.

Rarely do I hear from God so clearly. But He has spoken to me and I will obey. Come along with me on this journey.

Your sister in Christ,
Autumn Wood

 

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2019, my own crazy

Dreams

I dreamed of becoming a zoologist when I was growing up. I’ve always loved animals, still do.I thought there could be nothing better than studying them all day or working in a zoo. I also loved animals because they couldn’t hurt me like people could. I had a strong dislike for people.

When I became a Christian my goals and dreams changed. I no longer felt that God wanted me to work in a zoo. I prayed and felt like God didn’t want me to go to bible college either. Not that either of these options can’t be right for someone else they just weren’t right for me. I was confused. I had been taught that I had to go to college or university.

Many of us frame what we feel God wants us to do through our own perspective. When I felt the Lord wanted me to write, I assumed that it would mean that I would write books. I still might write a book or several one day.

But I had framed what God wanted for me in a narrow way. It didn’t allow for all God could want for me. It was me trying to understand God’s will with my head. Trying to frame what God wanted for me with worldly standards of success.

“Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart And do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way]. “-Proverbs 3:5-6

God has given me a job and a life that suit me in ways that nothing else could have. No, everything isn’t perfect but it is good.

I’m able to love and have compassion for people when I’m at work. I’ve been able to make long lasting friendships. Something I wouldn’t be able to do if I was sitting in a classroom for eight years to get my masters. Or up in some tree house in the amazon. Not that I don’t think that it would be cool but I’ve come through things and began to understand myself in new ways.

Your human fleshly heart can make you long for things that aren’t right for you. It can make you want to simply go along with what everyone else is doing. It’s no wonder that the Lord tells us that He is our Shepard.

I want to be clear that we shouldn’t go chasing after every whim that runs through our head. I believe that our selfish desires that we blindly chase can lead to our own destruction. God gave us freewill.

And He wants us to choose Him.

For a long time I thought I couldn’t dream any more. That everything I thought about had to be firmly grounded in reality. That if I were to dream for something else that it was sinful. Having dreams, having things in your life that you would like to see happen isn’t sinful. Placing your dreams and ambitions above what God wants for you is sinful. We should strive to be in line with God.

In this life I now think some daydreaming is important. This allows you to see parts of your heart that your rational brain keeps repressed. It can show you how you really feel about things. It can also produce hope.

When I felt that everything had to be firmly grounded in reality I felt heavy. I lost my hope because I could no longer see how things could change for the better.

What I have thought for so long was that I had to do certain things to make God’s will happen. I was going to write a book and the pressure and stress ate away at me.When things didn’t happen like I thought they would I in part blamed myself. I had given up my own dreams for what I thought was God’s will and I had come up empty handed.

I never understood that life in many ways is more about the journey. It’s about having a relationship with God. It’s about taking steps in faith. It’s about giving all your dreams to God and allowing Him to decide what’s right for you.

My conclusion is that dreams have a place in our life. We just have to keep them in check.

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2019, encouragement

Purity

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2019, encouragement, Father, jesus, the holy spirit

Some Good News

I got to see my neurologist and he doesn’t think I have MS. In fact he sees no point in even putting me through more tests. He believes that all it would do is create more stress for me.

I have been officially diagnosed with migraines. It’s something that I’ve been dealing with since I was seventeen. Over the years my migraines have shifted and changed. Going from an intense, pounding pain to a much more manageable low grade headache. I was worried that my low grade headache that I’ve had for the last two years was a sign of MS. I also occasionally have dizzy spells; This is also from my migraines. I didn’t understand that migraines could cause some of the symptoms that I’ve been experiencing.

I was comforted after the long appointment because the doctor took time when taking my history. Not all doctors that I’ve seen have made me feel like they listened. He also did some reflex testing to ensure that it wasn’t MS. When he talked to me he was kind but fair. He told me that I wasn’t going crazy, that yes migraines are painful, but he wanted to put things in perspective.

I’m not bed bound. Yes, I struggle but I have a full-time job. I have a social life but at times I have to say no because I don’t have the energy.

No one knows why their lives turn out the way they do. We just have to trust that God will work out everything for our good. As long as we are willing to be obedient.

At the very least I try to love God with all my heart, mind, and my less than perfect body. I believe that because my health isn’t perfect I have to rely on God more. This makes me walk closer with Him. I also have a lot more empathy for people.

I’m going to look at the positive today and I’m going to trust God for tomorrow. I have enough on my plate for today.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you that you have already worked out the problems that I’m facing today. I’m sorry that my lack of faith makes me doubt You at times. You are faithful to me even when I have these doubts. Thank You that I’m able to work. Thank You for the friends and family that I have in my life. I believe that all I am going through will one day make me the person that You want me to be. As long as I stay on the path that You have set for me to walk, I will be where You want me to be. Not that it will be easy. No, it will be hard but I will never have to face my pain alone. Thank You for all you are teaching me and showing me lately. I pray that by writing what I feel compelled to write it will help my fellow Christians and any new Brothers and Sisters that come across this blog.

In Jesus Name I Pray,

Amen

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I found this encouraging
2019, encouragement

Daniel 12:3

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Uncategorized

True Trust

I thought that I was trusting God with my life. I thought that I was realing on Him for everything. I think the truth was that I knew that I should be trusting God but I didn’t understand. Understanding how to actually trust God and relying on Him is a whole different ball game.

I’m an overthinker. I can talk myself into and out of something within the same day. I feel like I’m so used to stress that if it’s not there I start piling it on. Without stress my life feels wrong somehow.

The stress that I feel and the stress that I self impose is slowly killing me. I think this maybe is a part of why I feel so sick. Maybe it won’t heal me but I feel like it could be a part of my recovery.

The Lord has been showing me lately where I have tried with the right motives to make what I believed to be His will happen. I was trying to pull off God’s will with my own power. Which sounds ridiculous now that I’ve written it. That’s where I’m at.

I want to be a woman who is calm. Who is bright. Who is caring. Who relies on God everyday and in everyway. I’m just not there yet.

In Christian culture I see a lot of messages that seem to say that if you come to God, to Jesus, that you’re life will be worth it. They seem to imply that life will become great and wonderful. I’m not saying that this can’t be the case, I’m just coming to understand it in a different way.

There isn’t enough teaching in the Body of Christ about what happens after converstion. What happens when you feel stuck because you are growing in the Lord but nothing in your life has changed. What happens when the situations that you thought God would free you from are still your reality after years of following the Lord?

This is where I find myself. I’m relearning the basics of God. I’m relining up with God. I read “It’s Not Supposed to be This Way” by Lysa TerKerust this year. It’s a amazing book. It gave me a way to understand my feelings and approach God with a new vocabulary. A new way to say here is how I feel and this is how I know I should be.

It’s in striving towards that difference that I grow. It’s not always in the big things but sometimes in the little things. God cares greatly about the little things in our lives.

Lately God has been giving me little things that I’ve always wanted. I never thought I would get the chance to have them. When I gave my life to the Lord, I learned to not count on getting those little things. Since what God wants for me is more important than what I want for me.

Sometimes God will give you what you want as a reward. I feel like He is telling me that I’ve done well and there is more to come. He has also shown me that He knows me and He loves me. I know He will be here for me.

God would love to be there for you too. I’m not special. I just accept that Jesus Christ died on the cross for me. That through the Holy Spirit I can have a real relationship with God the Father.



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Uncategorized

Crazy Canadians

I find myself to be a little melodramatic at times. This post is just for fun. It’s spring time and in Canada after our winters we tend to get a little crazy. Here are some thoughts and feelings that you too may experience if you are coming out of winter.

A grassy green background with "You Celebrate the fact that the grass is green." in brown writing.
It’s not brown, it’s green.
The image says "When you get up and it's not dark outside."
Makes it so much easier to get to work in a good mood.
When your outside in your shorts and winter boots.
You know who you are *wink**wink*
But the Helper(Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor-Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you.
This is how I got through this winter.
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