the vision, Uncategorized

The vision

When I was about eighteen or seventeen I had a vison of myself standing in a desert. My hair was extremely short,  and brown. I’m wearing a sundress. And I’m all alone.
At the time I thought it meant that one day I would one day return to my favorite place, the American southwest. I took the vision at face value. It gave me hope. Sometimes God has given me glimpses of the future. Sometimes it’s just a moment, a sentence, a beautiful flower, a person, or a future version of myself.

This week I cut most of my hair off. When I was at work the Lord brought this vison back to me. To be honest it had been a long time since I had even thought about it. I realized that I had that haircut, glasses, and that sundress that I’m wearing in the vision is hanging in my closet. It took my breath away. I had been in seriously prayer about where the Lord wanted me to be. I immediately thought that I should book a plane ticket. Now, it was time to go on a mission trip. I knew where I should go or did I?

It didn’t feel right. I didn’t have a God feeling about it. I began to seek what God meant. How could I get to this desert? Because I wanted to be there more than anything? And do you know what He said to me?

Write yourself there.

What? What does that mean? How on earth do I write myself there? Is this an idea for a fiction novel? Will my writing lead me to the desert?

Then I saw this blog.

This is where I will start this journey. Maybe I will physically end up in the desert. Maybe I’m in a spiritual desert because I haven’t been walking as close to God as I should. Maybe I’m in a desert and God’s saying it’s time to come out. Maybe I will be starting a whole new section of my life. The truth is I don’t have a clear-cut idea what this vision means now.

Rarely do I hear from God so clearly. But He has spoken to me and I will obey. Come along with me on this journey.

Your sister in Christ,
Autumn Wood

 

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Father, love, my own crazy, prayer

Sick

No one would choose to be sick. No one chooses this crazy life that we are on.

This is my prayer this morning,

Dear Heavenly Father,

Lord, I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to deal with the trials that I’m currently going through. I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. What I want is to serve You. I know that ultimately to serve you means to get out of bed. To walk through the fire to reforge the parts of me that are impure. To purify myself I must go forward. Even if I only take one step at a time when I would much rather run. Help me to see the good You have placed before me Lord because right now I’m so tired I can’t even think straight. Let me love those around me today in a way that glories You. Let me accept today. Let me win the battle against my flesh today.

Lord apart from you I can do nothing. Please Lord help me get out of the funk and out of this bed.

In Jesus Name I Pray,

Amen

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2019, christmas, Dad, Father, forgivness, prayer

Hope for 2019

Life is funny. Everyone has problems. I hate talking about mine but here I go about to reveal my deepest thoughts on the internet…Here are a couple things that have been going on in my life to give y ‘all some perspective.

  1. My biological Dad collapsed after open gifts this Christmas. Thank God that we were at a Christmas party and there were other people around because I freaked out. After spending my Christmas Eve and a couple early hours on Christmas day in the hospital we came to the conclusion that he probably had a seizure. Did I mention that I’m his only child? And our relationship is less than ideal.
  2. I feel nervous since I’m waiting to see a neurologist. I’m trying to find out if I have MS. This whole waiting thing is overrated. Right now I would take results over perseverance. I know that’s the wrong attitude. Sorry, Lord.

I’ll be glad when this season is over but I know that this too shall pass. That’s the amazing thing about life. It can be one thing, then another. It can be great and beautiful while making you want to throw up at the same time. In these times I see God’s work in my life even more clearly.

For Christmas I got a Christian book that just that morning I had told the Lord that I would love to read. My plan was to head down to the library. God had other plans. That’s normally how plans work in my life.

God has most importantly allowed me and my family to bless others. I hope to see this grow in 2019.

What’s your hope for 2019?

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love, my own crazy

Another rough night…

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Father, forgivness, jesus, love, my own crazy, the holy spirit, Uncategorized

Confused

I’ve been wondering how much I owe people lately. How much time should I be spending with my friends? Family? How much quiet time do I need? Am I selfishly spending my time?

In the last while I can feel my life shifting. Things are changing for me. I’m just not so sure of things as I was. I feel like God was there with me but now He wants me to prioritize differently. I’m just confused.

It’s been a week since I wrote this and I can’t say I’ve got an answer to my questions. I think that maybe the point is that I’m trying. Trying to seek God in my everyday life. Trying to understand what I should be doing. Trying to get past the things I know I shouldn’t be doing. Trying to be a better person for Him because nothing else matters.

life is confusing

 

 

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2018 goal, Father, forgivness, jesus, love, my own crazy, prayer, the holy spirit

A Letter to My Father

Dear Heavenly Father,

I’m sorry to have ever doubted your Will for my life.

I’m sorry that I have a hard time getting out of bed.

I’m sorry that I’m not more loving.

I’m sorry that I let others steal my joy.

I’m sorry that sometimes I misuse the gifts you have given me.

I’m sorry that at times I am distracted by the World.

I wish that I didn’t get overwhelmed so easily.

I wish that I didn’t have such a hard time changing myself.

I wish I wasn’t so suborn and would ask for help when I need it.

Lord, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Help me to accomplish those things you desire of me.

Help me find the words swimming around in my head.

Help me become who You want me to be.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen

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