Father, forgivness, jesus, love, my own crazy, the holy spirit

A Fork in the Road

It’s like I stalled an old beat up car at a fork in the road of my life. According to my plan I’m way off track. According to  the expectations of some of my family I’m on some other planet.

But I’m in love with the view. I like this fork in the road. The wide open spaces, all the possibilities. I’m leaning on the car and just looking. The path forward is bright but I keep looking back over my shoulder. gratefullness To the storms in my life. I want to be grateful to God for where I am but I need to be honest about how I feel before I can get to a place of true gratefulness.

Telling myself that everything is alright when it’s not doesn’t work. Yes, I can focus on the good. I can make lists of things I’m grateful for because my life is good. This helps for a while…

Sometimes we have to look at our lives and be honest. Those times were hard, they were depressing times. Once we admit to how much we were hurt, we can heal.

At least when I’m ready to admit to my deepest hurt then I can get healing from the Holy Spirit. I can see God in all the difficult times in my life. Seeing God’s goodness in my past helps me to see God’s work in the present.

Only when I can truly put my past behind me can I move forward. Until I’m ready, I’m going to enjoy the view. I worry that I’ve spent too much time here already. Have I missed it? Then I feel God filling me with peace. It’s just time to get real about my life.

When I was seventeen I had a simple goal for my life. I wanted to be a better person. I’m wondering how I’m actually doing? Am I becoming more kind? Or bitter and jaded? Is my heart cold? Or am I just unthawing certain parts of it? Is that why it hurts so much?

Maybe it’s just that big changes in my myself have often been spired on by outward influences. New jobs, new houses, new circumstates in general. Lately I feel like the change has been more internal. I’m not sure how to apply these changes in my life.

It’s changed the way I see the past. I see how God has used the bad to create the good in my life. I also see the way it’s scared me. Lord, I want healing in these areas so I can better serve you. I want to move along. Even if nothing changes in my life.

 

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better today

2018 goal, Father, jesus, love, the holy spirit

Better Today

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God, save me from myself

2018 goal, Father, jesus, love, my own crazy, the holy spirit, Uncategorized

My Current Screen Saver

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Father, jesus, love, my own crazy, the holy spirit, Uncategorized

After the Accident

I lost patience with the system at work this weekend. Normaly I can refocus myself but I didn’t even try this weekend. I feel like God has something special for me. I act like just another traveler that got a little lost on the way. The past still hautes me. The future is either something that I feel hopeful about or I am terrified. Nothing seems to be working. I want to step out with God but when it falls apart I’m not sure if it’s me, God, or the Devil that causes the fall. I feel like a mess. I’m just tried of waiting.

So here I am writing on a computer screen because I feel like I’m drowning. Drowning in doubt. Drowning in debt. Drowning in emotions that I can’t seem to track down. And I’m crying because I need the release.

In April of this year I was in an accident that could have killed me. I ended up getting a concussion, which caused me to miss a month of work.(I survived getting hit in the head with glass that could have killed me) I don’t feel great about my life because it feels like nothing changed. I went back to work and the same problems. At home things are good but I feel like God could do more through my family if we could just open up to Him more.

I just want to share God’s love when I am on this earth. After the accident I felt God stronger in my life and I know He’s here. I just want to know how to serve Him.

I feel stuck because I’ve grown this year and it feels like everything stood still.

I guess the question is how do I handle this shift within myself. Taking out my frustration on others is not something I want to do. I’m going to focus on the last instructions that I got from God. I’m going to write and work hard at my day job and I’m going to be grateful for my life.

Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the LORD's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.

 

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storm

Father, jesus, love, the holy spirit

The Storm

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Father, jesus, love, Uncategorized

He Gave up His Son

Abraham, a man willing to give up everything for God. Even his son, Isaac, whom the Lord promised would provide descendants that would be as numerous as grains of sand. I’m not going to pretend to understand the level of Abraham’s faith.

“Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!” “Here I am,” he replied. Then God said,”Take your son, your only son, whom you love-Isaac-and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.” -GENESIS 22:1-2

Would you be willing to offer your child to God in the same way? With faith that He would still provide for you? That God would raise him back from the dead to fulfill what He promised?

There are things that God has shown me. Life events that I know will happen but right now some mornings it’s enough that I get out of bed. I don’t know how they will come about but I will offer God my hopes, my dreams, and the silent cries of my heart.

Because I have faith that He is faithful, when we offer all of us. Even the parts we want to hide, because His light can banish all darkness.

“The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, “I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me.” -GENESIS 22:15-18

God rewarded Abraham for his faith. He saved Isaac by proving a sacrifice. Through Abraham’s line came Jesus.  God asked a great man of faith if he would be willing to make the same sacrifice that He was willing to make. Jesus, the son that God allowed to be killed on the cross for us.

Lord, Heavenly Father, help me to give all to You. So that through me others can come to know you. Be my strength because I am weak. When I smile let it be filled with your love for people. Let my words ring with Truth because of all you have done for me Lord. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. 

 

 

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