Category Archives: 2020

Confused

I can’t be the only one that feels like I’m a little lost lately? I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what I should be studying in the bible. I’m just struggling. Ideas that would make other Christians think that I’m too radical make sense to me. I feel that I’ve over complicated my faith in the past and now I am simplifying things and it seems so much clearer.

I came across this verse and it stuck me, I need to break this down.

Rejoice always; I know that I don’t always approach situations with joy. Most times I don’t feel it. I try to fake it but that only lasts so long.

Pray Continually; I talk to God a lot but I don’t pray much for specific things. I don’t know what God’s will is in most things.

Give thanks; I think I’m better at giving thanks since this whole quarantine started. I still have my days when I’m not thankful and I still have a way to go.

I love when I find verses like this because they remind me what’s important. I feel like this helps me see what I need to work on. There’s also a slew of other things on my mind lately.

Including; How I should act in these times as a Christian.

In my mind there are many things that the church in the book of Acts did that we no longer do. We think that those tenants were for then, not now. When did God change?

We should be breaking bread together. We should be helping those in need. We should be accepting of our place in society. Whether we are rich or poor or more likely somewhere in-between. We are called to be a peculiar people. Right now I think the world needs us more than ever.

James 2:14-17(AMP)


What do my actions say about me?

Often it is easy to poke a finger at what the church does wrong. It’s more difficult to look at ourselves. It’s imperative that we evaluate our own actions and motives behind those actions. Otherwise how do we learn?

In the past year there were times when I felt bitter about where I’m at in life. I’ve wondered how I’m supposed to pray for others healing and see them better when I’m not.

Hope and I have a love/hate relationship. I love the feeling of hope but I hate to be disappointed. Maybe from the outside looking in I look healthy and happy. Inside I feel like a messed up little girl sometimes. I lost hope that my life would ever change. I thought that this was it.

I did get my hope back. I guess that’s one good thing I’ve gained this year. We all have to accept that life doesn’t go the way we want. I think it says more about me when things don’t go my way and I hold onto hope. For me it’s much harder.

Moving forward I’m going to return to some of the habits that I had when I first believed. I want to read my bible more, listen to praise and worship more, and give myself quiet time to just think. It may not be a big change but I think it will help me move forward.

Life is about the Little Moments

I’ve been trying to figure out why I struggled with my faith in 2019. I don’t have a good reason or rather I’ve found that my reason is silly. Sometimes things change in your life because of specific circumstances. Sometimes it’s because of multiple interconnecting issues. Then there are times when we just over complicate the simple.

2019 wasn’t a year when I saw much change in my life. I didn’t move. I didn’t change jobs. About the only thing that I changed was my hair color, lots. Much of what caused me to reexamine my faith this year was the lack of change. There were times when I prepared for big changes only to find the same cycles repeating themselves. I felt stuck.

  1. I couldn’t afford a vacation. In fact I got sick in the middle of our short Canadian summer.
  2. I was able to see specialist and rule out MS but I still don’t know why I have migraines. Don’t know why I have widespread pain. I’m on some new medication that is helping which is good.
  3. I did see some good changes at my job. I’m incredibly grateful for the less stressful environment that I work in.

I guess my expectations stopped me from seeing the good in my life again.

When I lost sight of God in the little moments of life I became depressed. I thought that life was about bigger and better things than those little moments. I thought it was about job promotions and big moves. The truth is that we don’t get to those big moments without the little ones.

Being faithful to God starts with daily obedience. It starts with listening to what you feel God wants you to do. Then stepping out in faith and doing it. It can seem scary but as we continue to step out for the little things we will find those big moments aren’t quite the mountains that we originally thought they were.

“But Samuel replied:

“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
    as much as in obeying the Lord?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
    and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”-1 SAMUEL 15:22(NIV)

For a long time I thought that if I was to sacrifice more God would do more through me. The truth I am finding is that He wants me to listen more.

This next year I feel will have changes but they are more internal changes. Smaller changes that may cause others to look at me like I’m crazy. What crazy is not being willing to change to become what God wants you to be?

One little moment at a time.