We are all fortunate to be able to call God our Father. To cover us. To help us. To guide us.
Thank you Heavenly Father, You have accepted me as Your child. I’m a gentile, I have been grafted into the vine. Thank you for providing me with a Christian step-father who was willing to raise me as his own.
I wanted to let those that cared on here that I seem to be doing better lately. My life hasn’t drastically changed but I’m trying to look at things differently.
I seem to be better at letting things go. The past is the past. It’s made me who I am which is good and bad. I’ve got lots of work to do if I want to become who God ultimately wants me to be.
As far as things with my Dad…He’s an adult. If he chooses to not see a doctor, then I can’t make him. I still keep him in prayer.
Speaking of prayer,thanks to all who have prayed for me. It meant a lot to me. It was some light in a dark time. I don’t think all my troubles are behind me. I do believe that there is more good ahead of me than behind me.
I’m learning to accept life. Whatever happens I trust that God is in control. He will work all things for the good of those who love Him. Yes, I would prefer to have all the answers. I would prefer to have complete control over all situations and circumnutates in life.
That’s not what I am called to do and be. I am called like the rest of you to love. To love God with all my being. To love others. That’s what I’m going to focus on.
Life is funny. Everyone has problems. I hate talking about mine but here I go about to reveal my deepest thoughts on the internet…Here are a couple things that have been going on in my life to give y ‘all some perspective.
My biological Dad collapsed after open gifts this Christmas. Thank God that we were at a Christmas party and there were other people around because I freaked out. After spending my Christmas Eve and a couple early hours on Christmas day in the hospital we came to the conclusion that he probably had a seizure. Did I mention that I’m his only child? And our relationship is less than ideal.
I feel nervous since I’m waiting to see a neurologist. I’m trying to find out if I have MS. This whole waiting thing is overrated. Right now I would take results over perseverance. I know that’s the wrong attitude. Sorry, Lord.
I’ll be glad when this season is over but I know that this too shall pass. That’s the amazing thing about life. It can be one thing, then another. It can be great and beautiful while making you want to throw up at the same time. In these times I see God’s work in my life even more clearly.
For Christmas I got a Christian book that just that morning I had told the Lord that I would love to read. My plan was to head down to the library. God had other plans. That’s normally how plans work in my life.
God has most importantly allowed me and my family to bless others. I hope to see this grow in 2019.
I found out that my uncle passed away yesterday, after a long battle with cancer in a way it’s a blessing. The sad part is that I hardly knew him. I feel guilty, depressed, and frankly I’m not looking forward to having to take a walk down memory lane. My childhood still remains a rough spot for me.
My close friends know not to ask about my biological Dad. I don’t know if he’s dead or alive most days. It took me a long time to accept the fact that he is a gown man and that I can’t control him. If he doesn’t want to do something that would improve his situation that is his choice. Just like I have a right to do what I feel is best so does he. Yes, I tell him what I think about what he’s doing and I give advice. Whether he takes it or not is another story.
I feel obligated to take care of my Dad. I feel like dirt because he lives in conditions that aren’t suitable for an animal. This is the side of mental illness that I don’t hear enough about. What do you do? What is the Christian thing to do?
I hate that my extended family thinks that I am somehow responsible for him. Cause he is ultimately responsible for his own actions. I am not guilty for my father’s sins. I have enough of my own; thank you very much!
I can feel God trying to work through these issues with me. He is preparing me for a breakthrough but somethings it feels more comfortable to be in the chains we make for ourselves.
Elven days later….
I’m trying to help my Dad move into someplace decent. Where he can be around people more. It’s not easy but it feels like the right thing to do. When I saw him before the funeral it was bad. He’s doing things that I never thought he would do, sinking to new lows. Sinking, sinking, but never rising out of the mess that is mostly his own fault.
Forgivness is what I am trying to walk in. Letting go of the past to deal with the now of his situation. All the while I feel God right here with me, saying to follow Him one step at a time. Telling me that He will take care of Dad. Wheather things work out the way I want them to or not.
I feel like I should at least try to help him. After much prayer I have a path to follow in this matter. I just have to do my best to follow it. I just hope that I’m not too late.
Life is rarely what we think it will be. Having the knowledge that God is simply here with me in this time has proved to be enough for me. It is wondefull to have a Heavenly Father that loves me in a way my earthy father never will, that no eathly father could ever love a child.