I found out that my uncle passed away yesterday, after a long battle with cancer in a way it’s a blessing. The sad part is that I hardly knew him. I feel guilty, depressed, and frankly I’m not looking forward to having to take a walk down memory lane. My childhood still remains a rough spot for me.
My close friends know not to ask about my biological Dad. I don’t know if he’s dead or alive most days. It took me a long time to accept the fact that he is a gown man and that I can’t control him. If he doesn’t want to do something that would improve his situation that is his choice. Just like I have a right to do what I feel is best so does he. Yes, I tell him what I think about what he’s doing and I give advice. Whether he takes it or not is another story.
I feel obligated to take care of my Dad. I feel like dirt because he lives in conditions that aren’t suitable for an animal. This is the side of mental illness that I don’t hear enough about. What do you do? What is the Christian thing to do?
I hate that my extended family thinks that I am somehow responsible for him. Cause he is ultimately responsible for his own actions. I am not guilty for my father’s sins. I have enough of my own; thank you very much!
I can feel God trying to work through these issues with me. He is preparing me for a breakthrough but somethings it feels more comfortable to be in the chains we make for ourselves.
Elven days later….
I’m trying to help my Dad move into someplace decent. Where he can be around people more. It’s not easy but it feels like the right thing to do. When I saw him before the funeral it was bad. He’s doing things that I never thought he would do, sinking to new lows. Sinking, sinking, but never rising out of the mess that is mostly his own fault.
Forgivness is what I am trying to walk in. Letting go of the past to deal with the now of his situation. All the while I feel God right here with me, saying to follow Him one step at a time. Telling me that He will take care of Dad. Wheather things work out the way I want them to or not.
I feel like I should at least try to help him. After much prayer I have a path to follow in this matter. I just have to do my best to follow it. I just hope that I’m not too late.
Life is rarely what we think it will be. Having the knowledge that God is simply here with me in this time has proved to be enough for me. It is wondefull to have a Heavenly Father that loves me in a way my earthy father never will, that no eathly father could ever love a child.