Messy Faith

I have lots of questions about faith lately. I don’t have as many easy answers as I once had. Things that I thought were foundational to faith have been shaken. Life isn’t as black and white as I once thought.

What is the definition of faith?

According to the Webster’s dictionary it means:

1a: allegiance to duty or a person : LOYALTY lost faith in the company’s president b(1): fidelity to one’s promises(2): sincerity of intentions acted in good faith 2a(1): belief and trust in and loyalty to God(2): belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b(1): firm belief in something for which there is no proof clinging to the faith that her missing son would one day return(2): complete trust 3: something that is believed especially with strong conviction especially: a system of religious beliefs the Protestant faith

And how would you define your faith? Is it strong, weak, or somewhere in between. Is it something that defines you? Or just another part of you? Are you waiting on God or expecting God to wait on you?

I’ve discovered something I think of as “Fairy-tale Faith”. It’s a type of faith where you believe that no one should ever suffer. Every one should be healed. Life should be a Utopian.

Where is the biblical evidence of this?

From what I’ve read it sounds like God is more interested in the internal parts of you. He wants you to have a right heart. Not a perfect worldly life. Yes, God is the ultimate giver of good gifts and He knows when something is too much for you.

In part I’m writing this for those that tell me that any time that I talk about not one day being healed that I shouldn’t say that. That being around those that are realistic is somehow affecting my chance of healing. Yes, they are right it is important to remain positive but I’m not waiting on “my healing” to start doing the Lord’s work for me.

Saying that everyone will be healed is dangerous. Promising to new believers that if they accept God it will unlock all they have ever dreamed of is unhealthy. It leads to faith that is easily chocked out by the hardships of life. I want faith that is strong because I’ve been through hell on earth.

I’ve suffered some and I’ve learned that I have so much more to learn. God wants us to cling to Him and He will allow us to go through hardships to grow closer to Him.

When I felt that I needed to prove to everyone that following God would led to only good things I needed to look like I felt happy.

I just don’t feel that I need to project something that I don’t feel. I still try to remain positive. I think that it is important to hold onto to the good in this life. It can help you through the difficult times. It’s more import to be joyful and focus on the internal peace that God offers. This will allow you to feel happy more often.

When your fairy tale faith makes you think that everything has to be good, you miss out on the areas that you need to work on internally. Areas that the Lord wants you to work on for your own good. Yes, it hurts to look at the parts of you that aren’t Christ-like but it leads to real growth when you do.

For me finding joy is something that I have to actively search for. I’m someone who see’s the good in others but I often miss the good in myself. I’m someone who has been clinically depressed and doesn’t want to go back there. For me God is what has gotten me up on mornings when I would have rather just stayed in bed.

God doesn’t promise that it will be easy. He promises that it will be worth it.

I believe in this statement. I have faith that God is real and that His son died for me. I will try and change to become the new creation that God wills me to be. Rain or shine, sick or healthy, rich or poor, I pray that I will be strong enough to complete His will for me. This is my messy definition of faith.