Messy Faith

I have lots of questions about faith lately. I don’t have as many easy answers as I once had. Things that I thought were foundational to faith have been shaken. Life isn’t as black and white as I once thought.

What is the definition of faith?

According to the Webster’s dictionary it means:

1a: allegiance to duty or a person LOYALTY lost faith in the company’s president b(1): fidelity to one’s promises(2): sincerity of intentions acted in good faith 2a(1): belief and trust in and loyalty to God(2): belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b(1): firm belief in something for which there is no proof clinging to the faith that her missing son would one day return(2): complete trust 3: something that is believed especially with strong conviction especiallya system of religious beliefs the Protestant faith

And how would you define your faith? Is it strong, weak, or somewhere in between. Is it something that defines you? Or just another part of you? Are you waiting on God or expecting God to wait on you?

I’ve discovered something I think of as “Fairy-tale Faith”. It’s a type of faith where you believe that no one should ever suffer. Every one should be healed. Life should be a Utopian.

Where is the biblical evidence of this?

From what I’ve read it sounds like God is more interested in the internal parts of you. He wants you to have a right heart. Not a perfect worldly life. Yes, God is the ultimate giver of good gifts and He knows when something is too much for you.

In part I’m writing this for those that tell me that any time that I talk about not one day being healed that I shouldn’t say that. That being around those that are realistic is somehow affecting my chance of healing. Yes, they are right it is important to remain positive but I’m not waiting on “my healing” to start doing the Lord’s work for me.

I’m not some princess waiting to be saved. I have been saved. I’m set free from this World and from myself. Now I can fulfill God’s will for me. I accept that His will may be for me to be sick for the rest of my life. I also wouldn’t mind if He healed me today. I will be content with things as they are.

Saying that everyone will be healed is dangerous. Promising to new believers that if they accept God it will unlock all they have ever dreamed of is unhealthy. It leads to faith that is easily chocked out by the hardships of life. I want faith that is strong because I’ve been through hell on earth.

I’ve suffered some and I’ve learned that I have so much more to learn. God wants us to cling to Him and He will allow us to go through hardships to grow closer to Him.

When I felt that I needed to prove to everyone that following God would led to only good things I needed to look like I felt happy.

I just don’t feel that I need to project something that I don’t feel. I still try to remain positive. I think that it is important to hold onto to the good in this life. It can help you through the difficult times. It’s more import to be joyful and focus on the internal peace that God offers. This will allow you to feel happy more often.

When your fairy tale faith makes you think that everything has to be good, you miss out on the areas that you need to work on internally. Areas that the Lord wants you to work on for your own good. Yes, it hurts to look at the parts of you that aren’t Christ-like but it leads to real growth when you do.

For me finding joy is something that I have to actively search for. I’m someone who see’s the good in others but I often miss the good in myself. I’m someone who has been clinically depressed and doesn’t want to go back there. For me God is what has gotten me up on mornings when I would have rather just stayed in bed.

God doesn’t promise that it will be easy. He promises that it will be worth it.

I believe in this statement. I have faith that God is real and that His son died for me. I will try and change to become the new creation that God wills me to be. Rain or shine, sick or healthy, rich or poor, I pray that I will be strong enough to complete His will for me. This is my messy definition of faith.


  1. Lena Rae says:

    I like your pink blog. It is pretty. What is it that shook your faith? Can you talk about that?


    1. Thank you for the question. Maybe I’ll go into more detail in another blog post.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Autumn, this was beautiful! God has and will continue to do beautiful things in your soul through everything you go through – the good and the bad – as you keep your eyes fixed on Him. Jesus took me on my own journey in recent years of redefining my understanding of faith. I used to think of it as the ability to believe without any evidence, or the ability to conjure up a certain feeling of trust. But I’ve come to realize that faith has more to do with trust and loyalty. Since I’ve begun paying attention to this, I haven’t been able to find a single instance of God asking for blind faith from anyone – asking them to believe something without any evidence or reason to believe.

    It’s so easy for us to put our hope not in God, but in what we think God will do. Praise God for the discerning He gave you to realize that you don’t have to expect healing to have faith! May our Jesus bless you with a deeper knowledge of Him, and with a stronger and stronger faith. 🤍

    Liked by 2 people

  3. So many good points!
    Faith must be placed in that which is the truth, not in fairy tales, in order not to disappoint. Amen!
    The Bible is full of examples of God’s people going through trials. He does not promise us a life with no trials, but rather to be WITH us in the trials! From Job to Joseph to Daniel and his friends to Jesus to Paul and more, we see God allowing trials, walking through the trials with them, and working things out in His OWN time and way.
    “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
    The point was never to live for self but to discover and come to Know God, to love Him, and to share Him and His love with others. The amazing thing is that when we do this in surrender to and praise for Him, we end up far more blessed than if we had followed our own ideas! 🙌

    Liked by 2 people

  4. T. R. Noble says:

    When I learned Jesus is the author of faith (there are a few scriptures that talk about this) that just lifted a weight. My trust and hope in what I cannot see come from Him.

    The Law of Attraction and Word of Faith movement seems related to what you might be hearing. One deals with thinking and believing so strongly the universe gives it to you. The other is “having faith” or the “say it and claim it” and you get what you want. They also tend to encourage positivity and no negativity otherwise that’s somehow used against you. (I’ve learned more about these through the YouTube channels Doreen Virtue, Melissa Dougherty and Mike Winger)

    I know one movement is about faith but it is clear both movements are about our control. God does not bend to what we want. You’re so right, His plan is bigger than all of this!!

    I share these things just to keep walking forward. When we find things in the Bible that does not add up to what other’s are claiming it can be pretty tough. I’ll be praying for you to have patience with these people and for those around you to see the truth of faith. 💗💗😊

    Liked by 1 person

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