#blessed

I’m tired of Christians that are only showing the good. Don’t get me wrong God is amazing and has done so much in my life. There is a lot of good in my life but I’ve struggled. Twenty-seventeen was one of the hardest years of my life.

I felt like I had to set an example and be a ‘good Christian’. I didn’t really talk about what I was going through with anyone. I’ve had health problems, work problems, and we all have some sort of family problems. It all seemed to just build and build. I’ve dealt with depression before and felt that with God I would never feel that way again.

The truth is that we all need to work to stay in the light. To stay positive and to stay healthy. I think that having periods in your life where you feel depressed is natural. I’m trying to let myself feel sadness. Then I turn myself over to God. I talk to Him about how I’m feeling, what I’m thinking, and I ask for help. Then I listen. 

God talks to me in a way that is personal. It’s hard to explain because how He talks to me is so tailored to me. Last year I had a vison of me walking through the desert. My hope then was that I would be able to return to New Mexico, the place where I feel most at home in this world. I have come to except that one meaning of the vison was that I was walking around in the desert in my life. I felt lost this year for the first time since choosing to follow Christ.

But I am blessed because God has led me out of the desert in my mind. My Heavenly Father loves me enough to be with me in those hard times. He doesn’t intend for me to stay there for the rest of my life but to learn from it. These are the times I must go through to become who He wants me to be.

And that, that makes it worth it.