Like your Dying

Frankly, with the way things are going the Lord is going to come back sooner than later. I think about the fact that I only have so much time on this earth more than I should. I do believe that we should live everyday like we are dying.

I didn’t expect to feel like I’m dying in my twenties. My current diagnosis is fibromyalgia.  Yes, that is the same condition that Lady Gaga has; Never thought I would compare myself to Lady Gaga[author shakes head, debates taking line out]. For those that don’t know it essential means that I am in a lot of pain for no apparent reason. Fibro, doesn’t show up on any lab test and it’s symptoms are similar to several conditions including lupus.  Doctors think that my brain perceives pain differently than the average person.

For about six months I couldn’t sleep properly. I would run on four or five hours of decent sleep. Then I would crash and sleep for thirteen hours. Not to mention the pain and stiffness in my muscles and joints. Yeah, I also had a constant migraine. Despite this I kept up with what I was doing before. I wanted so desperately to make myself proud that I half killed myself. I think God wanted to work with me but I wanted to prove how awesome I was to myself. It took me almost fainting at work to get help

I was crying out to God the night before my fainting incident. I had been debating getting on pills to help for months but I was afraid of the side affects.

I will take care of the side affects.

You know when you clearly heard from the Lord and everything stops. Yeah, that happened.

I was amazed within a couple weeks of taking the pills I felt like myself again. I had learned so much from my time being sick, I may never be healthy again but I was alright with that. I could manage the pain. Happily ever after.


Until last week, when our weather shifted and I can tell you I now have an understanding of what it’s like to have arthritis. When I had started taking my pills our weather had been steady. I noticed that on days when it rained I was more achy but I could handle it.

But with winter coming…

Thankfully I don’t have the same problem with migraines that I had before. At least the pills help with that. I know now why the Lord has been working on me about fear. I have lots of fear now. I don’t know if I can work the job I currently have. If I will be able to help out at home. If I will ever feel better.

I will choose to trust God because I believe in Him. He’s my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. He may come back before I get my answers. I will focus on doing my best with Him every day because that’s all that matters.


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